Pursuit Of Happiness In A Marriage

by: John Khu
Happiness is a precious gift. The pursuit of happiness should direct one to look within oneself and to the love that surrounds us. Happiness means well-being, sound health, and calm mind. Man is a social being and in spite of the nuclear society we live in today, all our relationships make us what we are. And one of the most important of them all is the institution of marriage. Marriage means commitment, love and understanding. More often than not the pursuit happiness ends in marriage.

Marriage is a firm bonding based on love, passion and sexual desire. Each equally important in its own sphere as we know that life should have a complete balance of love and commitment. Marriage is an ultimate commitment of life to peruse the natural way to attain happiness.

Pursuit of happiness through a marriage however is an individualistic view. While even half a century earlier marriage was the ultimate goal, the contemporary world has seen a drastic change in the way relationships are viewed. While marriage is still a revered institution it is no longer a respectability and recognition mandate, especially for women. Both genders today are equally ambitious and successful which makes the pursuit for happiness all the more definitive.

A happy and successful marriage today entails partners who deserve each other. They are a perfect match intellectually, physically and emotionally. Pursuit of happiness in marriage also includes the achievement of material comforts that ease the way for two people to share a lifetime together.

Pursuit of happiness in a marriage depends on making the right choices. Since ancient times marriage has been a source to attain real happiness and fulfillment in life. Marriage brings a sense of completeness in both men and women. This philosophy is reflected in all religions and isms that teach us to look deeper within ourselves. Marriage is the most natural institution formed by man. Evolution has made humans realize their gender differences and compatibility. Marriage has given them a formal bonding and an atmosphere to raise their children.

The pursuit of happiness through marriage is therefore a phenomenon that has come down through generations. It is a time-tested and proven theory which holds true even today because it is result of not human actions but human belief. It is an intrinsic aspect of human practicality. That is why, while many customs have come and gone with civilizations, marriage has lasted over centuries. Man’s pursuit of happiness is incomplete without the sanctity and bliss of a wedded life.

Wife Cheated: Has Your Wife Cheated On You?

by: Calle Zorro
Overcoming the insecurity that comes from having a wife who’s been unfaithful can be the most difficult form of insecurity to over come. For this reason, I want to give special attention to this emotionally-charged and sensitive subject.

If your wife has ever cheated on you, she shouldn’t have. And honestly, unless you previously cheated on her, there is no good excuse for her infidelity.

Now, I’ll say right up front that this is such a personal matter with so many variables that only you can decide how and what is the best way to deal with your wife’s infidelity. A person can decide that the marriage has been irreparably damaged and get a divorce. Or, a person can acknowledge their partner made a foolish mistake and forgive her for it and move on.

Either way, that’s a personal choice you’ll have to make for yourself. It’s such a personal thing that I’m not sure I can really help you. But, I would like for you to consider some suggestions…

Here’s the first thing I’ll suggest to you: REFUSE TO LET ANY ACTION OF YOUR WIFE’S EAT AT YOU UNTIL IT DESTROYS YOU!

Don’t allow yourself to develop the victim-mentality where you’re constantly reliving and remembering what she’s done. Don’t persist in blaming, condemning, and judging her. It will only serve to poison you with bitterness, resentment, and hatred.

It’s one thing if a woman’s actions destroy a marriage. It’s another thing to LET a woman’s actions destroy a man.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what many men let happen. After they’ve “reconciled” with their wife over her infidelity, they then let it eat on them until HIS MINDSET becomes so poisoned that it destroys both the marriage and himself.

Here’s something else I’ll suggest to you: let her off the hook – your hook. In doing so, you put her on God’s hook – and then it’s up to Him to deal with her as He knows is right and just. You see, a cheating wife has only scarred herself. It’s not on you, it’s on her. God will see to it that she reaps for the evil she’s done.

The Bible tells us, “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord, I will repay.” Because this is true, you don’t have to worry about what she’s done anymore. You can just let it go, let her off the hook, and let God take care of it in the RIGHT way.

Here’s the next thing I’ll ask you to consider: in truth, both married men AND women cheat on their spouse to varying degrees. Usually and mostly, the cheating only takes place inside the mind. But sometimes, one or both partners make the mistake of taking it to a level that’s outside of their mind.

For women, her “cheating” involves fantasies portrayed to her in soap operas or Harlequin Romances, or in her own fantasies created out of her imagination or experiences she encounters in life.

For men… Well, you already know that most men find pleasure in imagining having sex with any and every attractive woman they encounter. You already know they’re intensely turned on by the thought of having sex with a woman for the very first time, by scoring a one-night stand with a perfect stranger. You already know that it’s not unusual for men to fantasize about having wanton sex with dozens of hot women.

What’s bizarre though is that these same men would have a huge panic / anxiety / insecurity attack if they found out their wife was having the same sort of imaginations that they themselves were having.

Now, how crazy is that?

Wouldn’t it really be better to keep the fidelity of the marriage intact by recognizing that whether male or female, our sexuality is a key part of us and just be open and honest about it?

Wouldn’t it be better to use these sexual thoughts – both yours and hers – to pull you closer together?

Wouldn’t it be better for both of you to share your most secret, intimate thoughts on a bed of trust, respect, appreciation, and privacy that builds sexual excitement between you and your wife – so that neither one of you ever have to go outside of the marriage to enjoy what’s already going on in both your head and hers?

The Truth of Divorce

The Truth of Divorce
by: James Walsh

Baseless Myths

Women Suffer More Emotionally than Men: Since ancient times, women have been described as being emotionally sensitive. Sociologists argue that this reason attributed to the subordination of women in ancient society. Women were supposed to be immature and ill-equipped to handle responsibilities. This feature was prominent in patriarchal societies.

The woman was touted as being weak cognitively, emotionally and physically. She was always supposed to be protected by the male. In the beginning, it was her father, then her husband and in later years her son. She could not live and shoulder duties herself. But this view is baseless. Modern sociologists shatter this myth. They argue that both the genders have equal proportions of emotionality.

Women are not the weaker gender in an emotional capacity. In fact, they are resilient. They have the emotional reserves to withstand betrayal and shock. Men are not as resilient as women. They also tend to suffer an emotional setback. They find it harder to accept that the spouse has left them.

Sociologists state that men have to nurture and build their emotional strength. Women are born with this emotional strength. Studies show that men and women suffer mentally and emotionally from divorce. Their behavioural methods of reaction may be different.

Men may become more withdrawn. They tend to become loners undergoing traumatic phases of depression. Women, in contrast, tend to reach out. Emotional battering makes them extrovert in nature. They tend to develop and widen their social circle. They draw their emotional strength from this support group.

Both genders are likely to fall prey to alcohol and substance abuse. A major difference is that women are able to accept their deep emotional scarring. They usually seek professional intervention. Men do not. Men live in denial. They pretend that the divorce has had no effect on them.

Family forces men into therapy usually. Marriage counsellors state that an average of 54% of women and men divorcers suffer from the same emotional setbacks. There is no concrete evidence to prove this myth true.

Ex-spouses are Always Hostile towards Each Other: Social psychologists argue that divorce cannot be pleasant. Usually, 89% of divorces are settled at an acrimonious level. The ex-spouses begin post-divorce life wrought with bitterness. They cannot stand each other. They tend to harm each other in a direct or indirect manner.

Sociologists insist that the type of divorce determines the level of hostility. Hostility does not exist in cases of uncontested divorces. Here, both spouses want the divorce and agree mutually to every marital issue. The divorce is uncontested and amicable.

On the other hand, contested divorces are bitter. The respondent is drawn into the divorce. Usually, contested divorces involve a bitter and hostile trial hearing. The Family Solicitors of London state that this happens as spouses disagree on the level of importance accorded to the marriage. But this acrimony is short-lived.

It usually lasts for a period of eight months to a year. It is situation and location-specific. The presence of children forces ex-spouses to maintain cordial relations with each other. But the image of ex-spouses flying at each other's throats does not hold up. Ex-spouses just cannot stand each other. They are not bosom buddies.

Usually, exes become calm and serene when their own life post-divorce settles down. They tend to become forgiving when they have a good job, a new comfortable residence and a secure future. They are altruistic and do not hate the ex. They simply do not acknowledge his or her existence if not forced to.

This does not mean that they are hostile towards one another. They do not accord any importance to their ex in their life. The ex-spouse is just another acquaintance who has no influence on them.

Men Tend to Remarry More than Women: This myth is untrue. It exists only in general perception. Studies reveal that 19% of both men and women divorcers tend to remarry. The duration after which they remarry differs. Men tend to jump back into the dating arena soon after divorce. A longitudinal study to this effect shows that men tend to engage in physical encounters frequently post-divorce. Men tend to marry women similar in nature to their ex-spouse. They unconsciously seek younger versions of exes.

They tend to remarry after six months of divorce. In comparison, women divorcers are cautious. They also remarry. They tend to go back to dating after a year. They end up marrying socially and financially mature men after two years of divorce. They are content to date and wait. They are not eager to get married again soon after the divorce.